Im on a journey to self discovery everyday of my life. I am looking for what makes me tick in life; what makes me happy. I am also looking to avoid what makes me stress. I want to find inner peace, I want to look in the mirror each morning and smile because I am happy being me-and each day I am getting closer.
Balance for the young twenty something is an impossible challenge, it seems. Balancing college, friends, family activities, jobs, internships, boyfriends, and fitting in the gym and a social life is a lot. There is bound to be neglect in one area or another. Looking back on the past six months, I can say I poured myself into school, my internship, my sorority, and my boyfriend. My friends, my family, my health, even my job took a back seat to the other things I felt were most important at the time; and at the time they were important. School always came first, because as someone looking to go to graduate school, having good grades is a requirement, my internship would make or break connections that could provide future employment in an already crumbling economy, I was president of my sorority so it was a no brainer Id need to be invested in my role, and I was in a new relationship that required nurturing and attention.
Through the balancing act I fought with friends who felt I had become absent in their lives, I missed my family, and the balancing act became so much that I started to argue with my boyfriend and resent my sorority for the work I had to do to keep the chapter going. It was just too much on my plate, and my body and mind were being sucked of their energy and happiness. I got sick easily, I was always tired, and I was done.
My relationship became rocky as well. We would argue over small things-alot. And my health was being effected by the balancing act I was trying to pull off. I was taking steroids off and on after a tonsillectomy, and outbreaks of hives that were caused from god only knows what over the summer. My weight ballooned, and my self esteem plummeted. My boyfriend no longer found me attractive and the spark in our relationship started to die. I wasn’t being myself because when we met during the summer my life was not the way it is during the semester-chaotic.
It finally hit me as I was breaking out in hives and facing anaphylaxis on a trip to Atlantic City, one that I spent popping benadryl like candy and arguing with my now boyfriend “without the title” that it hit me-I am NOT taking care of myself.
So now that the steroids, antihistamines, and H2 blockers are finally finished and I have sought the help of specialists and identified some sort of cause for my auto immune woes, its time for me to come first.
Yes, I need to do well in school and work; but I need to nurture my friendships, enjoy my last semester of college and take care of my health both mentally and physically. I am the priority now. It took me using two epinephrine injections and being hospitalized with deathly swelling to come to their realization. It shouldn’t have, but now that it did, its time I do something about it.
So 2013 is about me. The closing of one chapter: college, the start of a new chapter: graduate school; an the continuation of new healthy habits that benefit ME.